[A brow raise, not taking his eyes off of Kazutora's face, as if it didn't trouble him in the least that he'd closed the distance to thumb at something precious. He wasn't about to treat Kazutora like he couldn't be trusted-- no matter what had happened between them.
So, he'd let him toy with it, rolling a shoulder back and nudging his knuckles softly into the side of his own neck.]
Yeah. You remember that day-?
[He sure did. They'd done it, in part; in large part; for Kazutora.]
Said I'd hang onto it, after all.
Anyway, I might have a better option for you an' this.
...yeah. I lost it, the day Moebius came for Draken.
[Baji would keep his tone even and impassive, his gaze calm and unerring.]
So I didn't have it when I joined you; and Valhalla. ...Guess Takemichi was taking care of it for me.
[...here is the tricky part, the part that might snap his friend into a place of hurt he didn't want for him.
But Baji would be honest.]
Then Mikey held onto it. ...Wore it like this. After I passed.
[Two implications: that Baji knew he'd died, and that he and Mikey were in accord enough that Mikey had entrusted it back to its rightful keeper and protector.]
[There'd be a brief look of betrayal, eyes widening sadly before they'd go a little too wide and a little too blank. It was complicated, a mash of deep and dirty feelings, all of which were bad: his guilt at stabbing Baji, presumably killing him, his hurt at believing Baji had stopped caring for him, had chosen Toman and Mikey over him..
.. but the complication would settle by his feet, and he'd instead be left with the easy parts of the formula.
Baji was with and loved Mikey. He had lied. He had chosen his enemy over him.
He'd left him.
With a sudden, violent jerk, he'd rip the charm off Baji's neck.
He'd hold it in his trembling fist, hair covering his eyes, voice shaking and off kilter when he would speak.]
[Hand still close to his neck and hovering there, he'd rub the back where the leather had bitten in. It didn't hurt, per say, even if it had left a nasty rash; leather was hard to snap against skin and segments of spine; but Baji barely felt it. The only thing he felt was concern. He knew the situation was delicate. He knew.
He'd keep his cool. Something he wasn't known for, something he didn't prefer, but something he'd honed and perfected at school. With his mom. Sometimes, even, with Mikey's sour moods.
He'd stay calm, because Kazutora needed that right now.]
We made up.
[He'd fill in the blank. Maybe not what Kazutora was implying, but what he needed to hear.]
And he wants to make up with you, too. Be a family again. All of us.
I'm not part of Toman anymore you fucker and you know that-!
Mikey ruined my life and you said you were with me-!! You promised--
[He'd turn away, shaking, stifling a sob. He couldn't bring himself to really lash out at Baji anymore, not after he'd realized he was indeed the most precious thing to him. Not after he'd realized he'd ruined that precious thing.
[He had promised. And he intended to keep that promise. No matter what. Even if it meant Mikey fucking hated him-- Mikey would be okay, wouldn't he? He had Draken and all the rest. He had so much love, so many people who understood and supported him. This was in fact, here in this place, a Mikey who had survived without him.
...He knew it was a fucking blow if he went. He knew he was one of the few people who'd really known Mikey as a child, who knew everything that went down, who'd seen his personality form, who understood the depth of the dark within him; who understood he had a killer instinct deep down but didn't want to. Should never evolve into having. Could be stopped from having.
Kazutora was the opposite... he was a killer on the surface, and shattered glass deep down. A broken, wounded thing who'd make a mistake and had suffered for it. A friend who needed a friend. A person who simply needed... forgiveness. A future. Hope.
Keisuke Baji wasn't smart. But he was a good first division leader. He knew people. He knew his people. He'd do anything; anything; for them.]
I promised you. And I won't go anywhere without you. I won't go home without you; but I wanna take you home, cause this place sucks.
I don't have a home, Baji. I don't have a family, I don't have anything--
All I had was you. All I ever had was you, and it's all I wanted, and in jail, I--
[He'd look up at the mottled, moldy ceiling.]
Fuck revenge, fuck redemption, the only thing that actually kept me going, day after day, were your letters. All I wanted was to get out and be with you again..
But it didn't matter 'cause you didn't want that, and I can't stand that-!
[He'd clench his fists tightly, so tightly his nails would dig into his palms, drips of blood splattering the cracked floor.
When he spoke again, his voice would crack with emotion.]
I killed you, you know. You must have heard that from Mikey already. Stabbed you when I realized you'd left me.
You don't want me, and I'm no good, so just -- go. Just go.
[Kazutora could rant if he wanted. Get it all out. That was probably productive, even.
Didn't matter though. He was rooted to the spot because he wanted to be, and he was rooted to the spot because Mikey had asked him to be.]
...I'm glad the letters meant somthin' to you. Good. They were a bitch to write. Sorry about the handwritin'.
[Chifuyu was a saint. Like... the patron saint of being irritating as fuck, mostly, but a good, good kid. He'd helped a lot.
He missed him, which felt vaguely stupid after beating his face in. But just like he knew Chifuyu didn't mind one iota, already forgave him, Kazutora had to know the same went for him.]
You're with me now, and I don't give a shit if you stabbed me. You didn't kill me. And I want you to come with me now. So we can all be in once place together. Safety in numbers. Mikey wants you with us; I do too.
He'd take the hit easily, head snapping to the side with the force of the hit. That was fine. Let Kazutora vent it all out here; it was safer that way.]
...you can be mad at me. But I need you to drop your vendetta against Mikey.
He wants you, Kazutora. We all want you back.
[Or well, Mikey was working on wanting him back. They could both work on this a lot faster together.]
Edited (oops i deleted half my own tag...) Date: 2022-09-15 03:42 am (UTC)
[He'd hit him again, and then again, and then again, the rage boiling in his veins, spilling over in his eyes, through his tears, clouding his vision, his thoughts, the space around him.]
Don't you fucking understand?? I HATE him! He stole two years from me, he stole YOU-!
[...And he'd take each and every blow, as unflinchingly as he could, standing in place like a scolded puppy. Nothing cowed him, except his friends. He'd stand still for no one, except the people he loved. This sucked, but okay; fine.
His main concern was that if he bruised up too bad, Mikey was gonna be pissed at Kazutora. So--]
...man, stop.
[Requested, a little blandly. He didn't want to pull Kazutora forcefully out of his delusion. He didn't know what that could do to him, and knew that was his place of safety, of refuge... but...]
...you lost those two years, yeah; forgive him.
[It didn't need to make sense. If it was real to Kazutora, he'd talk to him on those terms.]
He lost his brother; and he lost you too, right? His close friend. You both lost irreplaceable shit. But you can get summuvit back.
And he didn't steal me. I'm right here. And you should know that, because you keep fucking planting your fist into me.
[He didn't understand.. how could he have stabbed him and he died and it wasn't Kazutora?? All he remembered hearing Mikey say was that Baji had died.. and it had been because of him.]
That's fucking -- it doesn't make sense! He told me you'd died cause of what I'd done-!
[Kazutora wasn't sure what to make of that statement. At the very moment he'd been dragged to this hell, he had hoped to die, so he understood the sentiment, but..
"To end your fight"
Kazutora's eyes would widen, and he'd suddenly understand --]
Did you.. did you think you did it to keep Mikey from killing me..?
[He understands he should take this moment to say something powerful and profound.
...But he literally wasn't there.
So, best guess, based on Mikey's feedback and his own knowledge of his own dumbass personality:]
Yeah.
[PROFOUND, indeed.
Okay, sighing and tacking on:]
So he'd forgive you; so he wouldn't break his own heart by hurting up; so you'd forgive him; so you wouldn't be responsible for hurting me and blame yourself.
.... [He'd rest his forehead on his shoulder, taking in that knowledge. It was the first thing that had tempered him, made him pause, made him consider that perhaps he was taking this too far.
But he honestly .. didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to forgive Mikey. He didn't know ..
How to forgive himself.
He didn't think he could. If he couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect anyone else to?]
How..? It won't ever be the same, Baji. It can't be. There isn't a good part in me anymore.
[He'd grip his sleeve, eyes downcast. And he'd stay like that for a breath, trying simply not to think. Trying just to exist without a painful thought, to just exist next to Baji.]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 01:17 am (UTC)So, he'd let him toy with it, rolling a shoulder back and nudging his knuckles softly into the side of his own neck.]
Yeah. You remember that day-?
[He sure did. They'd done it, in part; in large part; for Kazutora.]
Said I'd hang onto it, after all.
Anyway, I might have a better option for you an' this.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 01:31 am (UTC)[He'd toy with the charm more..]
You never used to wear it like this..
[There was a lilt to his voice, a sing song scratch that sounded foreign and harsh, even as it was upbeat.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 01:35 am (UTC)[Baji would keep his tone even and impassive, his gaze calm and unerring.]
So I didn't have it when I joined you; and Valhalla. ...Guess Takemichi was taking care of it for me.
[...here is the tricky part, the part that might snap his friend into a place of hurt he didn't want for him.
But Baji would be honest.]
Then Mikey held onto it. ...Wore it like this. After I passed.
[Two implications: that Baji knew he'd died, and that he and Mikey were in accord enough that Mikey had entrusted it back to its rightful keeper and protector.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 01:47 am (UTC).. but the complication would settle by his feet, and he'd instead be left with the easy parts of the formula.
Baji was with and loved Mikey. He had lied. He had chosen his enemy over him.
He'd left him.
With a sudden, violent jerk, he'd rip the charm off Baji's neck.
He'd hold it in his trembling fist, hair covering his eyes, voice shaking and off kilter when he would speak.]
You-- and Mikey--
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 02:12 am (UTC)[Hand still close to his neck and hovering there, he'd rub the back where the leather had bitten in. It didn't hurt, per say, even if it had left a nasty rash; leather was hard to snap against skin and segments of spine; but Baji barely felt it. The only thing he felt was concern. He knew the situation was delicate. He knew.
He'd keep his cool. Something he wasn't known for, something he didn't prefer, but something he'd honed and perfected at school. With his mom. Sometimes, even, with Mikey's sour moods.
He'd stay calm, because Kazutora needed that right now.]
We made up.
[He'd fill in the blank. Maybe not what Kazutora was implying, but what he needed to hear.]
And he wants to make up with you, too. Be a family again. All of us.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 02:28 am (UTC)[He'd laugh, too loud and too high pitched, his eyes glistening yellow from moisture.]
S-so I'd been right-! You never meant to help me, never believed me, never planned to kill Mikey-!
You're such a fucking LIAR. All you ever cared about was THIS--
[He'd toss the charm at his chest with as much brute force as a small fabric satchel could withstand.]
Toman. With or without me.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 02:32 am (UTC)With you.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 02:46 am (UTC)Mikey ruined my life and you said you were with me-!! You promised--
[He'd turn away, shaking, stifling a sob. He couldn't bring himself to really lash out at Baji anymore, not after he'd realized he was indeed the most precious thing to him. Not after he'd realized he'd ruined that precious thing.
But it hurt. God it hurt]
You promised.. and you lied.
You chose Mikey over me. For two years you-- ....
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:03 am (UTC)[He had promised. And he intended to keep that promise. No matter what. Even if it meant Mikey fucking hated him-- Mikey would be okay, wouldn't he? He had Draken and all the rest. He had so much love, so many people who understood and supported him. This was in fact, here in this place, a Mikey who had survived without him.
...He knew it was a fucking blow if he went. He knew he was one of the few people who'd really known Mikey as a child, who knew everything that went down, who'd seen his personality form, who understood the depth of the dark within him; who understood he had a killer instinct deep down but didn't want to. Should never evolve into having. Could be stopped from having.
Kazutora was the opposite... he was a killer on the surface, and shattered glass deep down. A broken, wounded thing who'd make a mistake and had suffered for it. A friend who needed a friend. A person who simply needed... forgiveness. A future. Hope.
Keisuke Baji wasn't smart. But he was a good first division leader. He knew people. He knew his people. He'd do anything; anything; for them.]
I promised you. And I won't go anywhere without you. I won't go home without you; but I wanna take you home, cause this place sucks.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:26 am (UTC)All I had was you. All I ever had was you, and it's all I wanted, and in jail, I--
[He'd look up at the mottled, moldy ceiling.]
Fuck revenge, fuck redemption, the only thing that actually kept me going, day after day, were your letters. All I wanted was to get out and be with you again..
But it didn't matter 'cause you didn't want that, and I can't stand that-!
[He'd clench his fists tightly, so tightly his nails would dig into his palms, drips of blood splattering the cracked floor.
When he spoke again, his voice would crack with emotion.]
I killed you, you know. You must have heard that from Mikey already. Stabbed you when I realized you'd left me.
You don't want me, and I'm no good, so just -- go. Just go.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:32 am (UTC)[Kazutora could rant if he wanted. Get it all out. That was probably productive, even.
Didn't matter though. He was rooted to the spot because he wanted to be, and he was rooted to the spot because Mikey had asked him to be.]
...I'm glad the letters meant somthin' to you. Good. They were a bitch to write. Sorry about the handwritin'.
[Chifuyu was a saint. Like... the patron saint of being irritating as fuck, mostly, but a good, good kid. He'd helped a lot.
He missed him, which felt vaguely stupid after beating his face in. But just like he knew Chifuyu didn't mind one iota, already forgave him, Kazutora had to know the same went for him.]
You're with me now, and I don't give a shit if you stabbed me. You didn't kill me. And I want you to come with me now. So we can all be in once place together. Safety in numbers. Mikey wants you with us; I do too.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:41 am (UTC)Baji was quicker than Kazutora, stronger.
He'd take the hit easily, head snapping to the side with the force of the hit. That was fine. Let Kazutora vent it all out here; it was safer that way.]
...you can be mad at me. But I need you to drop your vendetta against Mikey.
He wants you, Kazutora. We all want you back.
[Or well, Mikey was working on wanting him back. They could both work on this a lot faster together.]
NUUU TAAAGGG
Date: 2022-09-15 03:51 am (UTC)Don't you fucking understand?? I HATE him! He stole two years from me, he stole YOU-!
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 03:56 am (UTC)His main concern was that if he bruised up too bad, Mikey was gonna be pissed at Kazutora. So--]
...man, stop.
[Requested, a little blandly. He didn't want to pull Kazutora forcefully out of his delusion. He didn't know what that could do to him, and knew that was his place of safety, of refuge... but...]
...you lost those two years, yeah; forgive him.
[It didn't need to make sense. If it was real to Kazutora, he'd talk to him on those terms.]
He lost his brother; and he lost you too, right? His close friend. You both lost irreplaceable shit. But you can get summuvit back.
And he didn't steal me. I'm right here. And you should know that, because you keep fucking planting your fist into me.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:10 am (UTC)But the smile would fade fast, even as he'd stop the barrage of punches. He'd set his fist against Baji's chest and glance down]
I can't.. I can't let go, Baji, I can't, I can't, I can't--
[He'd shake his head furiously, fist tightening.]
I'm too far gone..
[It was a moment of rare clarity for Kazutora, available to him because of what he'd just done before he'd arrived in this Hell. His stabbing Baji...]
If I can kill you, then there's nothing left of me. I'm done.
Just-- go home. Go to Mikey. It's where you really wanna be anyway.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:14 am (UTC)[Repeated again.]
Mikey told me what happened, and you didn't kill me.
[He didn't know? Or he'd just forgotten? Who knew, with Kazutora. But he repeats that reassurance like a clear bell, tolling the truth.]
If you dont wanna come, I can't force ya. But I'm not leaving you here alone.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:21 am (UTC)That's fucking -- it doesn't make sense! He told me you'd died cause of what I'd done-!
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:25 am (UTC)[A brow furrow. Timelines are hard wtf.]
--I mean, I guess I was there, but I wasn't--
[Shit, his head hurt. Maybe because Kazutora had hit it like five times.]
Mikey said I committed suicide to end your fight, okay? Guess I stabbed myself. So maybe don't fucking test me, cause I'm batshit.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:30 am (UTC)[Kazutora wasn't sure what to make of that statement. At the very moment he'd been dragged to this hell, he had hoped to die, so he understood the sentiment, but..
"To end your fight"
Kazutora's eyes would widen, and he'd suddenly understand --]
Did you.. did you think you did it to keep Mikey from killing me..?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:37 am (UTC)[He understands he should take this moment to say something powerful and profound.
...But he literally wasn't there.
So, best guess, based on Mikey's feedback and his own knowledge of his own dumbass personality:]
Yeah.
[PROFOUND, indeed.
Okay, sighing and tacking on:]
So he'd forgive you; so he wouldn't break his own heart by hurting up; so you'd forgive him; so you wouldn't be responsible for hurting me and blame yourself.
I'm sure of it, yeah.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 05:54 am (UTC)[He'd rest his forehead on his shoulder, taking in that knowledge. It was the first thing that had tempered him, made him pause, made him consider that perhaps he was taking this too far.
But he honestly .. didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to forgive Mikey. He didn't know ..
How to forgive himself.
He didn't think he could. If he couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect anyone else to?]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 09:10 pm (UTC)He was with him.]
...we can skip all that this time. We can go straight to the good part.
Where we're all together again.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 09:30 pm (UTC)There isn't a good part in me anymore.
[He'd grip his sleeve, eyes downcast. And he'd stay like that for a breath, trying simply not to think. Trying just to exist without a painful thought, to just exist next to Baji.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 11:32 pm (UTC)[The hand on his head would lift... and go to flick him in the forehead.]
You got a lot of good stuff about you. Mikey does too. You both have a lot of bad stuff about you too.
It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're good people. You're my people. That's it.
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