[He didn't understand.. how could he have stabbed him and he died and it wasn't Kazutora?? All he remembered hearing Mikey say was that Baji had died.. and it had been because of him.]
That's fucking -- it doesn't make sense! He told me you'd died cause of what I'd done-!
[Kazutora wasn't sure what to make of that statement. At the very moment he'd been dragged to this hell, he had hoped to die, so he understood the sentiment, but..
"To end your fight"
Kazutora's eyes would widen, and he'd suddenly understand --]
Did you.. did you think you did it to keep Mikey from killing me..?
[He understands he should take this moment to say something powerful and profound.
...But he literally wasn't there.
So, best guess, based on Mikey's feedback and his own knowledge of his own dumbass personality:]
Yeah.
[PROFOUND, indeed.
Okay, sighing and tacking on:]
So he'd forgive you; so he wouldn't break his own heart by hurting up; so you'd forgive him; so you wouldn't be responsible for hurting me and blame yourself.
.... [He'd rest his forehead on his shoulder, taking in that knowledge. It was the first thing that had tempered him, made him pause, made him consider that perhaps he was taking this too far.
But he honestly .. didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to forgive Mikey. He didn't know ..
How to forgive himself.
He didn't think he could. If he couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect anyone else to?]
How..? It won't ever be the same, Baji. It can't be. There isn't a good part in me anymore.
[He'd grip his sleeve, eyes downcast. And he'd stay like that for a breath, trying simply not to think. Trying just to exist without a painful thought, to just exist next to Baji.]
Gah-! [He'd pull back and press a hand to his forehead, sniffling. It didn't hurt, not in the least, but it did break him out of his spiral, at least momentarily. He'd level a lidded frown, mostly a pout, in his direction. And then he'd grin.]
Better watch it, I'm hair triggered right now~
[And then he'd register what Baji had said about Mikey. What an odd thing to say.. The Mikey he knew was always confident beyond arrogance, a shard of light that he now could only see through red colored lenses. But to be fair, he had seen a darkness in him, right after he'd stabbed Baji, and right as Mikey was pummeling him to death.
Maybe, in a way, he always felt like Mikey had that in him. And so it was easy to peg him as the enemy..]
Your people...
[He'd look up at Baji, conflicted..]
If I asked you to forget about Mikey and stay with me, would you do it?
[It was a nasty question, he realized. Baji had apparently killed himself to save them both. But it was the both part that still made him twitch with anger.
He wanted to be special to at least one person, the most special person in someone else's life. Because he hadn't been to his parents, and his friends before Toman never cared for him, and even Toman was a group. Baji had been his best friend once, his partner in crime. Now he just didn't know what they were..]
[It's an unfair question. They both know it's an unfair question. It's not the kind of thing you ask someone you care about; someone who's your best friend.
Baji takes a breath and doesn't break eye contact. Knows better than that. Steady, steady, so the tiger doesn't think you'll dart.]
Didn't I already?
[It wasn't a satisfying answer. He knew that.
The truth was, he never wanted to leave Mikey. Mikey was his oldest friend, maybe his strongest bond. They shared that knowledge of one another that even Draken couldn't hold a candle to, those earliest of childhood memories before they'd fully formed, while they were still becoming. English nicknames, sparring, playing with action figures, bellies to the floor, grinning, fighting, hating one another, making up.
...but Kazutora was alone, and Mikey had so much love around him. So many people who'd do right by him. Baji hadn't done right by Kazutora when he'd failed to convince him not to steal the bike. He hadn't done right by him when he'd gotten caught by Shinichiro, leaving the burden of that fateful attack to someone too young to understand its consequences.
He was there that night. So he'd always be there. He'd promised.
Kazutora would never have to go it alone. So...]
...Yeah. I would.
[But it'd hurt him.
So the question was-- was Kazutora gonna stab him again to make himself feel better?]
[He'd look back at him, expression softer than usual, and he'd smile, glancing down.]
Thank you..
[He did believe him. Baji would do it. But it would hurt; he'd be sad for leaving Mikey, and now that Kazutora's walls were falling, now that he'd attacked Baji and knew how awful that felt, he.. didn't want to hurt him anymore.
But it was indeed an unsatisfying answer. Kazutora wasn't special enough, and he never would be. You couldn't be when compared to someone like Mikey; it just wasn't feasible. And who needed a family anyway..
So he'd punch Baji lightly on the shoulder, and he'd look back up.]
I know Mikey wants me to come back.. he's always himself, heh. ... But I can't, Baji, I'm sorry. Go back to him. To your actual people. You didn't fail, and he'll get it; everyone will be relieved.
...'kay, then that's how it is. Look, I'll stay here then, with you. Until you're ready to meet up with Mikey. Then you two can decide how this is going to go down.
But I can't just leave you in this shithole alone. So I guess it's 'welcome home', huh?
Baji, don't be an idiot. [Frowning and turning away from him to stuff hands in his pockets, to kick dust from the floor, his necklace jingling, echoing in the hollow space.]
You'll just resent me and think I'm crazy and be anxious until you can go back to Mikey.
[Shrugging, suddenly tired from always losing, losing losing..]
..... [He'd go to the corner of the small room and open up a duffle bag from which he'd tug out a clean sheet, and he'd lay it carefully onto the otherwise dirty mattress next to it. Then he'd kneel down to open up the tiny fridge in the space, taking out two cold beers and handing one to Baji.
He'd nonchalantly remove his jacket and pants and sit on the edge of the mattress, patting the space next to him for Baji, and then opening up the can to take a swig.]
Is everyone there with you? Or is it just you and Mikey right now?
[Taking it uneasily, not... arguing, but he really wasn't much of a drinker. On the list of his vices, he usually liked to be sober to feel the faces break beneath his fists, the warmth of the lighter flicking on, to remember the things his friends said when adrenaline heightened them...
Not alcohol. But. Okay.
Maybe they could both use a beer right now.
Shaking his head, and hunkering down, opening the can.]
Don't you have no manners? You say 'kanpai' first.
[Reminded, before taking an experimental sip. Tasted, as expected, like shit. But it was cold, and that was nice.]
Everyone's somewhere. Mikey wants it to be us six together. A house for all of us.
[Eyeing the clean sheet, his dirty uniform, Kazutora's... pants.]
Sorry-- I don't have nothing to change into. [He was pretty filthy from scuffing up in a few fights since arriving.]
Edited (edit: LMAO i somehow missed him casually undressing, adding onto my tag!) Date: 2022-09-25 09:07 pm (UTC)
[Blinking, stopping mid sip-- it's funny, but, yeah, of course.. he didn't really encounter manners at juvie, from the adults or from the other kids. He had just looked at the alcohol as a means of easing tension and less as a social activity.
He'd look abashed for a moment.]
Yeah, sorry -- kanpai!
[Holding up the beer as a cheers and then taking another sip. He'd listen to Baji talk for a moment, before tilting his head, a fingernail scratching at the tin can idly. He had more questions, but he wanted Baji to settle down first; he looked exhausted.]
Eh, it doesn't much matter dumb butt, I'm not exactly living at the presidential palace here. You can just take off your pants, and-- I'd say jacket, if you were wearing yours. That's clean enough for here and was what I did.
[Letting the cans clink and taking another, deeper sip... before simply nodding, standing, and thunking the can down on the table. He'd go to remove his pants, unbuttoning and shaking them off like they'd personally offended him, then somewhat comically pulling the legs back out the right way, neatly folding them, and placing them lightly on his abandoned chair.
Then he'd grab up the beer again and go to plop on the bed, sitting cross-legged and yawning.]
[He'd grin and go to pull out the other thing he'd stolen from the neighbors - a blanket. No pillows, unfortunately, but he was glad he had gotten these things.
He'd toss the blanket over their backs and take another sip of beer.]
Guess that makes me king..
[Looking around the disaster of a room with a sigh.]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:21 am (UTC)That's fucking -- it doesn't make sense! He told me you'd died cause of what I'd done-!
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:25 am (UTC)[A brow furrow. Timelines are hard wtf.]
--I mean, I guess I was there, but I wasn't--
[Shit, his head hurt. Maybe because Kazutora had hit it like five times.]
Mikey said I committed suicide to end your fight, okay? Guess I stabbed myself. So maybe don't fucking test me, cause I'm batshit.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:30 am (UTC)[Kazutora wasn't sure what to make of that statement. At the very moment he'd been dragged to this hell, he had hoped to die, so he understood the sentiment, but..
"To end your fight"
Kazutora's eyes would widen, and he'd suddenly understand --]
Did you.. did you think you did it to keep Mikey from killing me..?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 04:37 am (UTC)[He understands he should take this moment to say something powerful and profound.
...But he literally wasn't there.
So, best guess, based on Mikey's feedback and his own knowledge of his own dumbass personality:]
Yeah.
[PROFOUND, indeed.
Okay, sighing and tacking on:]
So he'd forgive you; so he wouldn't break his own heart by hurting up; so you'd forgive him; so you wouldn't be responsible for hurting me and blame yourself.
I'm sure of it, yeah.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 05:54 am (UTC)[He'd rest his forehead on his shoulder, taking in that knowledge. It was the first thing that had tempered him, made him pause, made him consider that perhaps he was taking this too far.
But he honestly .. didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to forgive Mikey. He didn't know ..
How to forgive himself.
He didn't think he could. If he couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect anyone else to?]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 09:10 pm (UTC)He was with him.]
...we can skip all that this time. We can go straight to the good part.
Where we're all together again.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 09:30 pm (UTC)There isn't a good part in me anymore.
[He'd grip his sleeve, eyes downcast. And he'd stay like that for a breath, trying simply not to think. Trying just to exist without a painful thought, to just exist next to Baji.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-19 11:32 pm (UTC)[The hand on his head would lift... and go to flick him in the forehead.]
You got a lot of good stuff about you. Mikey does too. You both have a lot of bad stuff about you too.
It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're good people. You're my people. That's it.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 12:20 am (UTC)[He'd pull back and press a hand to his forehead, sniffling. It didn't hurt, not in the least, but it did break him out of his spiral, at least momentarily. He'd level a lidded frown, mostly a pout, in his direction. And then he'd grin.]
Better watch it, I'm hair triggered right now~
[And then he'd register what Baji had said about Mikey. What an odd thing to say.. The Mikey he knew was always confident beyond arrogance, a shard of light that he now could only see through red colored lenses. But to be fair, he had seen a darkness in him, right after he'd stabbed Baji, and right as Mikey was pummeling him to death.
Maybe, in a way, he always felt like Mikey had that in him. And so it was easy to peg him as the enemy..]
Your people...
[He'd look up at Baji, conflicted..]
If I asked you to forget about Mikey and stay with me, would you do it?
[It was a nasty question, he realized. Baji had apparently killed himself to save them both. But it was the both part that still made him twitch with anger.
He wanted to be special to at least one person, the most special person in someone else's life. Because he hadn't been to his parents, and his friends before Toman never cared for him, and even Toman was a group. Baji had been his best friend once, his partner in crime. Now he just didn't know what they were..]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 12:49 am (UTC)[It's an unfair question. They both know it's an unfair question. It's not the kind of thing you ask someone you care about; someone who's your best friend.
Baji takes a breath and doesn't break eye contact. Knows better than that. Steady, steady, so the tiger doesn't think you'll dart.]
Didn't I already?
[It wasn't a satisfying answer. He knew that.
The truth was, he never wanted to leave Mikey. Mikey was his oldest friend, maybe his strongest bond. They shared that knowledge of one another that even Draken couldn't hold a candle to, those earliest of childhood memories before they'd fully formed, while they were still becoming. English nicknames, sparring, playing with action figures, bellies to the floor, grinning, fighting, hating one another, making up.
...but Kazutora was alone, and Mikey had so much love around him. So many people who'd do right by him. Baji hadn't done right by Kazutora when he'd failed to convince him not to steal the bike. He hadn't done right by him when he'd gotten caught by Shinichiro, leaving the burden of that fateful attack to someone too young to understand its consequences.
He was there that night. So he'd always be there. He'd promised.
Kazutora would never have to go it alone. So...]
...Yeah. I would.
[But it'd hurt him.
So the question was-- was Kazutora gonna stab him again to make himself feel better?]
NU WEEPS BAJI ILU
Date: 2022-09-20 01:02 am (UTC)Thank you..
[He did believe him. Baji would do it. But it would hurt; he'd be sad for leaving Mikey, and now that Kazutora's walls were falling, now that he'd attacked Baji and knew how awful that felt, he.. didn't want to hurt him anymore.
But it was indeed an unsatisfying answer. Kazutora wasn't special enough, and he never would be. You couldn't be when compared to someone like Mikey; it just wasn't feasible. And who needed a family anyway..
So he'd punch Baji lightly on the shoulder, and he'd look back up.]
I know Mikey wants me to come back.. he's always himself, heh.
...
But I can't, Baji, I'm sorry. Go back to him. To your actual people. You didn't fail, and he'll get it; everyone will be relieved.
SHOT THRU THE HEART </3
Date: 2022-09-20 01:09 am (UTC)That he'd take care of this.]
...'kay, then that's how it is. Look, I'll stay here then, with you. Until you're ready to meet up with Mikey. Then you two can decide how this is going to go down.
But I can't just leave you in this shithole alone. So I guess it's 'welcome home', huh?
[Looking around again. Eesh. Not a nice place.]
AND YOURE TOO LATE
Date: 2022-09-20 01:37 am (UTC)[Frowning and turning away from him to stuff hands in his pockets, to kick dust from the floor, his necklace jingling, echoing in the hollow space.]
You'll just resent me and think I'm crazy and be anxious until you can go back to Mikey.
[Shrugging, suddenly tired from always losing, losing losing..]
So just go.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 09:59 am (UTC)I'm not anxious. I'm tired. Mikey doesn't let anyone sleep; too loud and angry.
[Read: fussy. Maybe he'd get better sleep here after all.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 06:35 pm (UTC)[He'd go to the corner of the small room and open up a duffle bag from which he'd tug out a clean sheet, and he'd lay it carefully onto the otherwise dirty mattress next to it. Then he'd kneel down to open up the tiny fridge in the space, taking out two cold beers and handing one to Baji.
He'd nonchalantly remove his jacket and pants and sit on the edge of the mattress, patting the space next to him for Baji, and then opening up the can to take a swig.]
Is everyone there with you? Or is it just you and Mikey right now?
(cw: underage drinking)
Date: 2022-09-25 09:05 pm (UTC)[Taking it uneasily, not... arguing, but he really wasn't much of a drinker. On the list of his vices, he usually liked to be sober to feel the faces break beneath his fists, the warmth of the lighter flicking on, to remember the things his friends said when adrenaline heightened them...
Not alcohol. But. Okay.
Maybe they could both use a beer right now.
Shaking his head, and hunkering down, opening the can.]
Don't you have no manners? You say 'kanpai' first.
[Reminded, before taking an experimental sip. Tasted, as expected, like shit. But it was cold, and that was nice.]
Everyone's somewhere. Mikey wants it to be us six together. A house for all of us.
[Eyeing the clean sheet, his dirty uniform, Kazutora's... pants.]
Sorry-- I don't have nothing to change into. [He was pretty filthy from scuffing up in a few fights since arriving.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 09:30 pm (UTC)He'd look abashed for a moment.]
Yeah, sorry -- kanpai!
[Holding up the beer as a cheers and then taking another sip. He'd listen to Baji talk for a moment, before tilting his head, a fingernail scratching at the tin can idly. He had more questions, but he wanted Baji to settle down first; he looked exhausted.]
Eh, it doesn't much matter dumb butt, I'm not exactly living at the presidential palace here. You can just take off your pants, and-- I'd say jacket, if you were wearing yours. That's clean enough for here and was what I did.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 09:50 pm (UTC)Then he'd grab up the beer again and go to plop on the bed, sitting cross-legged and yawning.]
Your 'palace', your rules I guess.
LOL that description of clothes removal
Date: 2022-09-25 10:41 pm (UTC)[He'd grin and go to pull out the other thing he'd stolen from the neighbors - a blanket. No pillows, unfortunately, but he was glad he had gotten these things.
He'd toss the blanket over their backs and take another sip of beer.]
Guess that makes me king..
[Looking around the disaster of a room with a sigh.]
Pretty fitting palace for me, huh